It has been many months since I wrote in my blog and soooo much has happened since then. I have an entirely different life now and live in an entirely different world. I now see that as a really good thing but at first I wasn't so sure.
In June, I shut down my business of 23 years in Raleigh and moved 600 miles to live with a man I met online last December. For the first three months, I cried my guts out every day and thought about running back to what was familiar. I was scared to death to be living in a strange place with a drastically different culture than what I was used to. I was extremely uncomfortable having no income of my own and being dependent on someone else to feed me and provide me with what I needed. I felt like I had lost all of my independence and all of my power. In some ways, I felt very much like a dependent child and that was horribly uncomfortable for me. My independence has always been extremely important to me. I tried to get some business, but wasn't having very good luck. And then I started having some health issues that made me fear I was suddenly no longer able to work at all and support myself. That thought was terrifying. I felt as if my whole world had come unravelled.
Eventually, I did start getting some customers and one of the first ones happened to be a psychotherapist (another angel story?), She saw that I was a basket case and agreed to trade her services for cleaning service. In the therapy session we had, she said that she could see that I was "biologically depressed", which was a term I'd never heard before. She strongly encouraged me to not make any decisions about moving back to Raleigh or staying here until I got on some medication for the depression and extreme anxiety I was experiencing. As much as I hate taking medication, I knew she was right. So I made an appointment with a doctor and got some meds.
After a while, the anxiety subsided and the veil of depression started to lift and I was able to see things from a different, more positive perspective. During the first few months I was here and was so fearful and confused, there was always something inside of me that was telling me I was in a good place and should stay. With the help of the medication and a couple of therapy sessions, I began to see the good in the new life I had and the new companion I had. I began to, as I always preach, LOOK for the good in my new world. And, as always, I found lots of it!
Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day and Jim and I had a wonderful wonderful day together, just him and me and my doggy Bossy. Together we cooked a traditional Thanksgiving dinner and celebrated our first holiday together as a couple. We even bought some new dishes to use for special ocassions. We hug and kiss a lot now and every day we say "I love you". I've got a handful of customers now and am learning my way around and adjusting to the new culture I now live in. I love living in a little log cabin in the woods. Jim and I have created a very cozy home together. I've come to really love and trust him. And Bossy loves Jim too. They're buds! :)
I'm very thankful for the people (angels?) who have crossed my path just when I needed them and helped me to stay the course and ride out the storm. Once the dust settled, I looked around and saw a lotta lotta good in the world around me. And that's a good thing! Keep looking for the good!
Here's our Thanksgiving table! Happy! :)
I should add that our new dishes came from the Dollar Tree and it only cost a total of $13 for the beautiful table settings. More good! Yay! :D