Friday, April 16, 2010

The Good in Being Real

When I first started writing this blog, I had a lot to say. I was at a place in my life where I was feeling very inspired and had a lot of ideas and feelings inside me that I wanted to express. I very much enjoyed sharing my experiences and philosophies. But after a while, I moved to a different place and didn't really have that much to say any more. I guess I've always had a short attention span. That's why I always got cheap toys when I was little. Moma knew I wouldn't stay interested long so I didn't get anything that cost much. To this day, I'd rather have several small jobs to do than one big one. I guess it's just the way I'm wired.

For a while, I tried to make myself continue to write. But I saw that the things I was writing weren't bubbling up from the inside but rather were just thrown together off the top of my head. Writing in this blog began to feel more like a chore than an expression of myself. And that didn't feel right. I felt like a phony, a fraud.

My definition of success is that we're living life on our own terms and being true to ourselves. To me, part of being true to myself is being honest with myself and being real. I was sitting here trying to write about looking for the good even at times when I WASN'T looking for the good. I had to take a good look in the mirror and see my own human-ness. I had to admit to myself, if not to my readers, if I have any, that I don't always look for the good. Sometimes I just have a piss poor attitude and I just like to wallow in it for a while. And, being a middle aged female, there are times when my body chemistry (aka hormones!) makes me have, how shall I say this, a different perspective on things. And sometimes, dammit, I just don't feel like writing in this blog!

So from now on, I will only write when I have something bubbling up from inside me. I'm only going to be real. And being real is really really good! See there? I found some good! :)

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