One area where I'm really good at screwing up is the area of enjoying what is good in my life while it's still there to enjoy. We live in a Universe that is constantly swirling and shifting and changing. Nothing is permanent in the Universe. Everything will end. Some things are short lived, others are more enduring. But to everything there is a season.
My mother would have been 84 in a few weeks if she was still here. I guess I thought Moma would always be here. She always had been. And everybody in our family lives to their early 80s. Surely Moma would too. It's a tradition, you know? But Moma broke the tradition. She left us at the young age of 74. And boy have I realized what I jerk I was with her. I have regrets. My mother was a very kind and caring person and she wanted nothing more than to love me. But I wasn't capable of receiving or returning that love. I am now but Moma is gone, at least in the physical sense. Moma's love still lives in me and I will always have that. But I hope the next time someone comes into my life who wants to love me, I will be able to handle it better.
I believe that once you really love someone, you always love them even if the relationship ends or one of you leaves the physical world. And we leave a part of ourselves with everyone whose path we cross. I want to leave a good part of myself. So I'm trying to focus on the good so that good is what expands in me and in my life. And I'm practicing enjoying what's good in my life right now while it's here! Don't put off joy! It's here right now, look for it, embrace it...while you can! Keep looking for the good! :)
Here is my favorite photo of my pretty little red headed mother. She was about 60ish there. Wish I was more like her.