If it's true that what we focus our attention on is what expands in our lives, then it would behoove us to focus our attention on something we want, not on something we don't want. One of the things I currently want is a little POC camper I found out at the lake. (For those who don't know, POC stands for piece o' crap) :D As I mentioned before, I used to own a house (or really it owned me) and I got a new car every three years. After I lost all that, my perspective changed drastically and I realized what is REALLY important to me. FREEDOM! When I look back over my life, it finally makes sense now for the first time ever. I used to think I had floundered my whole life away and had wasted all my years. But now I realize that I really WAS working towards something. It just wasn't something tangible. It wasn't anything I could take a picture of or record onto a tape. Every choice I have made, every mistake I've made, the lifestyle I have chosen, everything goes back to my strong desire, need for freedom. To me that means the freedom to be who I really am in a world that wants me to be someone else. It means the freedom to live life on my own terms and be true to myself. We are all part of the whole and when one of us gets better, we're ALL better and the whole universe is better. (That line is a little out of place but I like it so I'm leaving it in!)
Anyway, getting back to the POC camper I want. I found this camper online one day when I was just browsing and dreaming. It's dirt cheap and I was able to negotiate owner financing. I will pay it off in two years and then be debt FREE! Then the only bills I will have will be utilities and such. Yes, it's just a little camper, but it will give me the FREEDOM I seek financially. Then I will be FREE to do some traveling and have some experiences I've never been able to afford to have because all my money has always gone to survival. I'll finally be able to live instead of just exist.
Let's see, I started off talking about creating a diversion. How the hell did I get on this??? Oh yeah! The only thing keeping me from buying this camper is that I am in a lease where I live now. My landlord has agreed to let me out of the lease and refund my deposit once he gets a new tenant to replace me. Well, this has been going on since August and still no new tenant. So, as we humans tend to do, I started thinking some pretty negative stuff. I have this standard rant in my mind. It goes something like this. "I don't know why the hell I even thought something like that could happen for me. Nothing ever works out for me. That's just the way it's always been. Don't know why I even keep trying. My life will never be any different than it is right now." Sound familiar? I especially sing that song when it's PMS time only with a little more embellishments. But this time, I decided to create a diversion to get my mind off the negative stuff. I figure if I can't make myself think positive thoughts, maybe I can at least keep myself from thinking the negative ones. Worth a try anyway. So the diversion I created was a Willie Nelson kick! Last summer I went on a Matthew McConaughey kick! I know, how the hell do you go from Matthew to Willie? Hey, they're both from Texas!!!! Anyway, I've rented or purchased several Willie concerts and also three books by him. And this Friday I'm going to Charlotte to see him in concert! Since I hardly ever do anything other than work, eat and sleep, this Willie concert has been a big deal for me. I've looked forward to it all month long and have spent a lot of time thinking about Willie and his music and his life. Not only have I learned a lot about Willie, but it's gotten my mind off the delays in getting the camper. I'll keep you posted how that goes. But I really think creating the diversion is a valuable tool I will continue to use. This month has been fun just thinking about it. Fun is good! Keep looking for the good! Get the connection? :)